sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize