how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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