There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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