I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
