I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
