everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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