I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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