It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just pee around me
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
