According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
