He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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