nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
