I think i peed on brittanys purse
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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