Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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