Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
my shit smells like andre
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
