is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
