I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize