let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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