make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
