At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'm always down for nudity.
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