what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
