why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
