How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize