In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
