the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
