just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
