We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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