everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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