So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
