I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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