trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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