It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just want nice things and good sex
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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