I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
