You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
