She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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