$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize