i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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