Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
