Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
