So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
