Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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