I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
