You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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