dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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