Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
