you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Two words: blizzard sex
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize