is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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