just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
