i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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