grandma shit on top of the toilet
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize