Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
not ubering you a puppy
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
