I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
