I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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