I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
