I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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