It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
