I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize