I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
