I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
