I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
