Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Randomize
