No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
