You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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