If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
