HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
