I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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