Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't deserve a penis
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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