I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
