you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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