i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
