i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
