so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
