My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
