but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
