I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
