She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize