I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
