I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
