I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
