i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
